"Freedom of Choice", A Perfect Circle

Dear everyone in living in my house currently,

Kindly grow the fuck up, take responsibility for your own shit and quit being an overall piece of shit about just about everything.

Pardon the slight bitch fit here, but I'm kind of tired of everything that goes fucking wrong in the house trickling down and becoming my problem... No one wants to take responsibility for their lives/shit/everything involving them and it's getting really old, really quick...

"Bender", Big D and The Kids Table

So, I was recently hired at Marc's at Midtown. Cool, right? I can finally say I have a source of income, I can pay for shit and slowly start to get my shit together, right? Sure. Except none of the supervisors or managers pay attention to me. None of the other employees do too, for that matter. I kind of feel like a space-waster that knows how to run the register somewhat. This week, though... Ugh... Monday and today mark the first two days I ran the register all by my lonesome, so to speak. The only bad part about that is I was pretty much ignored when I asked for a break. Monday, I put MYSELF on break at about 1:30 in the afternoon (after being at the counter since 9:00 am) and today, I put myself on break, again, at 2:00 after asking 3 times prior. What the fuck? That, and it's like none of the managers there really have a good grasp on what they're doing for the most part. I was always under the impression that if you're going to go up the ranks and go from just an employee to supervisor or manager, it'd be in your best interest to know what you're doing, you know? But what do I know... So, in a nutshell, I was pretty much hired into a complete circus act that pretends to be an actual store and almost cares about it's employees... Great...

"Don't Forget The Streets", The Slackers

Pardon the mini-vent here, but I have no sympathy for people who bitch about how miserable they are anymore. Sure, I'll admit fully that I have my bouts of being sick of everything and "oh, my life sucks" blah, blah, blah, fine. I admit it. But I either talk about it with Sharpie, or I put it here. I don't go around moping about, crying and "thinking out loud" about why 'my life is so miserable' and what have you. This whole little thing is brought about by Penguin. For those who don't know, she goes on little vacations and bus trips with the YMCA every month, almost. Sure, it works in my favour 'cause I get the house to myself for a day to a week. Great, I love the time alone, it's fine. She got back from a nice stay at this hotel in Burton, OH this morning and burst into a fit of tears almost as soon as she walked in the door. Why? Because I wasn't home enough yesterday to spend the day cleaning it. Whenever they're gone, that's mostly what I do. I clean. All day. I bust ass making sure the house looks half way presentable (inside, anyway) by making sure the dishes are done, the living room is vacuumed, the kitchen is swept-I'll even mop it from time to time (assuming I can find a functioning mop), all the old papers from the past 2-3 weeks are bagged and out of the way, straighten up the counter tops, make sure the dog and cats are taken care of and what have you. I even get a little bit of a treat by getting my laundry done. Sweet, right? Anyway, I make sure the house is all squared away in a nut shell. The only thing that sucks about it is not 20 minutes after they walk back in through the doors, it's like an atom bomb went off in the house. I'm not even joking. Papers are thrown everywhere, dirty dish towels are all over the kitchen like fucking magic, and the place goes right back to looking like a cluttered shit-hole. So, after their trip this weekend, she comes back and throws a bitch-fit and a half because nothing got done and because "oh, I wish I'd never come back here" blah, blah, blah. In my book, she has no reason to bitch and complain and carry herself like she has the worst life in the world. She has a nice, new car. She has a nice house. She goes on these bus trips and vacations like it's her job anymore and she goes out to eat on a fucking daily basis. Frankly, I'd like to see her walk up to Speedway to put the last dollar to her name into getting a cup of coffee in my shoes. I'd like to see her walk a mile in Colleen's or my dad's shoes. Live a day in one of our lives, and I'm sure it'd change her perspective on things in a fucking hurry. Now, before anyone starts yelling out "hypocrite! You just spent half this post complaining about people who complain about their supposedly miserable life, what the fuck?", I'm not complaining about my life. I'm just saying I have it a little harder than she does. I don't have a car (again), I haven't started my job at Marc's yet so still no paycheck, I'm mostly broke all the time unless I feel like going out scrapping with my dad-and speaking of my dad, I get to watch his health slowly deteriorate BECAUSE of scrapping and the disease. Colleen's life is slowly but steadily going down the shitter and, really, shit sucks all around. Sure, I spend a little time bitching and complaining about it, but I don't go around essentially looking for attention because of it. It really pisses me off when she does that...

"Don't You Want a Man", The Slackers

Pardon the mini bitch fit here, but how in the blue blazing hell did I end up with such a fucking moron? Really... It's truly astounding. Never aim for an actual steady job that actually pays enough to get shit taken care of, one you can actually get to or what have you. No, go for the ones that you "know you can get into because you know a guy who knows a guy..." blah, blah, bullshit. What the fuck, how did it come to this?

"Augen Auf", Oomph!

Last time I made an entry on here, Borders was still in business. Closing? Yes, but still open. Now it's gone... Seeing a bookstore like that go under really just...bothered me. Our parents' saw things go under like that through out their life, but our generation hasn't really seen anything like that before. With all the new Kindles, iPads and various other tablets and e-readers and shit, it's no wonder... Does this open up possibilities for little mom and pop bookstores? Sure, but there's also the chance that they'll go under too.

I went out to Strongsville yesterday to throw in a few applications at the mall and on the way there, you pass what was a HUGE Borders before the mall. Seeing it closed up and empty was probably the most depressing thing I've seen in a minute...

Rest in Peace, Borders. I knew ye well...

(EDIT: Because Photobucket is retarded half of the time, the pic is huge. Yes, I resized it, but it's probably going to take it's good ol' time fixing its self.)

"Kiss With a Fist", Florence & The Machine

I just wanted to say this: My room is the dingiest, dirtiest, dustiest room in the whole house. Why, then, am I getting bitched at for trying to keep a CLEAN room? If anyone could explain this, it'd be fantastic.

"What a Wicked Gang Are We", Streetlight Manifesto

"Oh! My Dear! My tis of thee!
What a tangled web we weave!
Everyone is the one until the one falls down
Then we're all just "Please! Please! Please!"
The painted rust will only
fool the fools for just so long
Eventually, that's when they'll see everything was wrong"

Never in my life have lyrics rang so true, given everything that's going on lately. In a nutshell, Colleen's life is going to shit, I'm fairly convinced my dad's gone off the deep end, I'll be jobless come the end of the week and I'm in a dead relationshit. There. I said it and, frankly, it feels good to finally let it out. It's not that the manfriend is the most horrible person on earth, we're just not a good pair. That and, to be perfectly honest, he's...stupid, to put it nicely. Not "special ed" stupid, but hang-out-the-window-of-a-car-going-65+mph-to-scream-at-a-Mustang stupid. The try-to-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too kind of stupid. For the record, as far as the hanging out the window of a speeding car statement goes, it's entirely based on truth. I wish I could say I was joking. While we were on our way to the Feast of The Assumption (AKA: big Cleveland style guido fest), we took the freeway (obviously). The freeway in question runs into "Dead Man's Curve", which is one of the nastiest curves in Cleveland. As we were coming up on said curve, I spot a Mustang and comment on how it's ugly and that "if you're going to spend a shit-load of money on a car, get a Dodge. They're prettier". Having said that, the manfriend decides it's a good idea to hang out the window of my car and start screaming at it. At what FUCKING POINT does ANY OF THAT sound like a good idea? Hopefully, anyone reading any of this would say "um..no part of that sounds like a good idea." with "why are you dating such a moron?" attached. To be honest, I have no idea. As with most things, he wasn't always an idiot. Sure, he didn't think when it came to certain things, but he wasn't a complete idiot. Now, well, the same can't be said. I'm kind of hoping the more stand-off-ish I become, the more discouraged he'll be, thus saving me a huge bawtastrophy. As far as anything else goes, well, where the fuck do I go from here? I'm about to be out on my ass for a job, scrapping isn't helping much, shit's getting expensive and I'm stuck asking "what the hell?". There isn't a doubt in my mind that I fucked up when I quit BP. Now I can't catch a break... Well, technically I did when Ihop hired me, but at the same time, I'm not quite cut out to be a waitress. It's not that I'm lazy or don't care, I just can't get it. If time is of the essence at a diner/restaurant, standing around trying to figure out what food goes where and taking the time to do it right isn't helping. That and Sunday's are the fucking work of the devil as far as that goes... The most I can hope for, at this point anyway, is for somewhere to hire me and I pick up on whatever it is quick...